The Chris Townsend Show

Cooley's Contemplationsby Scott Cooley, posted on Fri, Aug. 29, 2008

NO ENGLESS?

Before we belly-flop into the greatness that engulfs the college and NFL football seasons, I have to reflect on one more issue concerning an off-the-beaten path sport and put it to rest.

This past Wednesday, the governing bodies of the LPGA passed a policy that requires all of its members to speak English by the end of the 2009 season. Any player that has possessed a tour card for two years and cannot pass an oral test at this time, will be suspended from play.

What! Are you freaking kidding me! I’m calling B.S. on that crap!

As my colleague Chris Townsend pointed out the other night as we discussed the topic on the Chris Townsend show, this is purely a business move from the LPGA’s standpoint. He also mentioned that this will make these foreign athletes more marketable in the American culture, and he is exactly right.

They want to tag these ladies with a league slogan like the WNBA has attempted to do in the past with their “We Got Game” campaign. And we all know how well that went over because I signed up for a subscription to the Beaver Ball package on my digital cable receiver as soon as it was available…yea right.

But at least the LPGA has some marketable (substitute “good looking”) players such as Natalie Gulbis and Morgan Pressel. Yes, they are underage and I feel like a dirty old man thinking about them that way but I am human and they are hot…especially in those taut mini-skirts. And the fact that they can beat my ass in a round of golf makes them even hotter.

But these girls are Americans! We don’t need the presence of foreign players to attract new viewers because we already have some home grown gals that should cultivate the sport over the next decade.

Currently there are 121 players, not native to the U.S., on the tour, with 45 being from South Korea. This nearly third of the field is the catalyst behind the institution of the new rule as most of the Koreans don’t speak English.

The deputy commissioner of the LPGA says these players need to be more “approachable” but that translates in English as, “these players need to make more money for our association with sponsor dollars.”

One patty of beef I have with this policy is what kind of assessment will be used to determine if these women are adequate English speaking players? Are they going to have to sit down and read The Cat in the Hat from cover to cover in front of a panel of English teachers? Or will they have to do a complete oral book report on Great Expectations?

And honestly, where does this stop? If you make a certain subset of athletes learn to converse in the English language, why not the others?

I can see it now, Selig and Major League Baseball pass a rule that makes all the Dominicans, Cubans, Puerto Ricans, Asians and other foreign players learn English to become more “approachable”? YEA RIGHT!

Let’s take it even a step further, are they going to make some of these gangsters in the NFL and NBA learn how to speak correct English. Not the thug talk they were versed in while growing up in the hood.

Here’s another voice of reason concerning this concept, what if some of these Koreans don’t care about being on the cover of Golf Digest or Sports Illustrated? Maybe they don’t want to sign with an American sponsor like Ford or Wal-Mart. Perhaps they just want to play in the states to earn more money on a more lucrative golf tournament trail. They are already celebrities in their own countries and probably make plenty of money there in endorsements.

The day this news broke I actually played nine holes with a Korean woman. When I asked her what she thought about the new policy she responded with what I believe I interpreted correctly through her broken English as…“It is bullshit.”