The Chris Townsend Show

The Bottom Lineby Aaron James, posted on Sat, Mar. 17, 2007

It's been awhile folks since I chimed in with an article for this site. Sorry for the absence but I was hosting a renaissance fair in Nepal for retired plumbing salesman. Judging from the thousands of letters I received from all over the United States and certain Northwest Territories of Canada, I was sorely missed.

But it's nice to be back. And with my heralded return, I come bearing some not so insightful or thought provoking observations from the past week...

Is there really any reason to watch tournament games except for the last two minutes? I'm sorry but the first 38 minutes of many of these games is right on par with skimming through a HIghlights magazine in the dentist's office.

Case in point...

In the battle of Ohio, the vaunted Ohio State Buckeyes literally stole one from Xavier with a buzzer beating three ball to tie the game and send it into overtime. Did I watch a minute of this game other than the last minute? Nope. I think I was watching something on PBS about black holes. Or maybe I was flip-flopping between that and the Celebrity Fame Game on VH1. I don't quite remember. COME ON RON JEREMY. TAKE HOME THAT $100,000 FIRST PRIZE!!

But the last two minutes of the OSU-Xavier game? Riveting...

Personally, I think NCAA regular season basketball comes in handy when I?m battling insomnia but every year there's no shortage of amazing last minute miracles and charming underdogs to give a sudden burst of hope and inspiration to the little guy although there probably hasn't been as many great upsets and miraculous finishes as in years past.

In the end I think Ohio State is going to take this thing. They have the best player in Greg Oden and their 10-year contract with Satan stipulating they be number one in every sport for at least three months a season has a few more years left.

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The Giants may be the first team to vie for a pinch left fielder this season. Judging by Bonds' effort in the Cactus League, he may not get a chance to break the home run record. How many balls is he going to take to his melon before he can't play anymore? He may not make it through the season. Maybe Barry should go the way of 70's Red Sox first baseman George Scott and wear a helmet in the field.

Watching the Giants right now is like watching the Padres a year ago. San Diego fan favorite Tim Flannery is now the third base coach with "Boch" - unequivocally the slowest player ever in the history of professional baseball if not athletics period, at the helm. Padre?s fans may have a hard time seeing Bochy, and especially Flannery, in Giants uniforms this year but will be downright giddy to see that Meathead is not on a San Diego roster. I'm speaking of course of Ryan Klesko, once a decent hitter and player, who's been stealing from the Padres the last couple of seasons. Well now he can pilfer through Peter Magowan's billfold too. Look for Klesko to throw up about six bombs and 28 RBI's this year with about 4-busted helmets due to the "I can't believe I just popped up again" tirades he'll unleash in the dugout.

Baseball fans also had the unfortunate opportunity last week during the telecast of the Giants and A's preseason game to hear some of Flannery's music he records. No offense Tim, but there's a reason why you're a baseball player. Please KTVU, never run a minute worth of any baseball player or coach's "side project" ever again. It makes real musician want to vomit in a really quick fashion.

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And of course no week would be complete without another obvious sign of the Apocalypse. This week's sign? Genesis is going on tour this summer. I wonder if Dockers is providing sponsorship? (That was for you Phil.)

With the newly reformed Police heading out this summer too, it looks like fans will have a reason to empty out the $1200 burning a hole in their savings accounts.

It's good to be back. Until next week...