 GIANT TURKEY
While families gathered for fellowship and feasts during the Thanksgiving holiday, one of the biggest turkeys the NFL has to offer roasted in the headlines.
And now Commissioner Roger Goodell has Plaxico Burress to thank for his latest PR crisis.
The embattled New York Giants receiver carried a loaded gun into a Manhattan nightclub on Friday evening and accidentally shot himself in the leg. That's right, shot himself in the leg while flashing his weapon to his entourage and having a glass of wine.
Events that transpired for Burress after "the shooting" were a trip to the emergency room, a brief stay in the New York-Presbyterian Hospital and two counts of criminal possession of a weapon charged to his name.
Monday morning, the 31-year old Michigan State alum turned himself in to the authorities and was reminded of the pair of felonies incurred. Burress posted the $100,000 bail and climbed back into his jet black, chrome-rimmed Cadillac Escalade.
If Plax is anything like his NFL receiving brethren Randy Moss, he probably paid the bail with "straight cash, homey."
Hopefully Mr. Burress is lucky enough to still have a mother around and if so I really want to believe she was there to slap him on the backside of the head and scream, "What the hell are you doin' boy!"
Seriously though, how careless do you have to be to shoot yourself in the leg? And why in the world are you carrying a gun, especially without a legal permit to do so?
Protection was his reasoning. Burress claimed he was carrying large amounts of cash and was wearing expensive jewelry that evening.
He might not be aware of this phenomenon but society has embraced a monetary credit system where instead of using dollar bills to purchase items one can satisfy an outstanding balance by providing payment with a rectangular plastic card.
But that would just be too easy and plus, Plax wouldn't have the fat stack of Benjamins to throw down when buying that case of Dom Perignon.
Okay, here's another option for Mr. Burress. Why not stay in your lavish bazillion-dollar home, stock the bar with booze and have as many friends over as you want? He might even be able to afford a DJ to spin some tunes. Create that club scene in the west wing sports room that is rarely used and make it rain right there on the pool table.
And if he is really that worried about being attacked while out in public, just hire a bunch of body guards to protect you who are actually licensed to carry guns. It is that simple. Look normal, blend in and don't try to draw attention to yourself. But wait I almost forgot, he is an NFL wide receiver and that egocentric attitude is embedded into his genes.
New York's Mayor Bloomberg wants Burress prosecuted to the fullest extent, seven years behind bars. Unless this hotshot lawyer he's hired can turn water into wine, Plax could looking at the minimum of three and a half years in the slammer.
He caught the game winning touchdown in the Super Bowl to defeat the undefeated Patriots. The Giants rewarded him with a 35 million dollar contract extension with 11 million coming as a signing bonus. But you can bet Burress will be looking for another team to play for next season. This isn't the first "Plaxico being Plaxico" incident this season and head coach Tom Coughlin is a disciplinarian that has most likely reached his limit.
Jerry Jones could be looking for his number right now.
But if Burress does somehow escape the long arm of the law, you know the Commish will be there to thwart his immediate return to the league. Plaxico isn't putting up Pacman Jones numbers but he has quickly climbed to second on Goodell's most wanted list. |
