Chris Townsend

     Living in San Francisco, it goes without saying that I see alot of people, men AND women, in their 20s sporting Boston Red Sox hats.   Makes sense, doesn't it?  (Roll eyes here) 
     If you fall in to this catagory, or if you are sporting a Josh Beckett jersey (Number 19) and have no clue who was the greatest Red Sox player to ever wear that number, (Fred Lynn) I am now going to clue you in on something:  YOU ARE NOT BOSTON RED SOX FANS!!
     "But, Gerrie," you say, wondering why I spell my name that way, "I've been a Sox fan since way back when Pedro was anchoring their staff."  
     AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

     To reiterate:  YOU ARE NOT A SOX FAN, and I will now proceed to tell you why: 

     You haven't suffered.

     Longborg on two days rest.  Tony C.  Aparicio slipping coming around third base.  Lyle for Cater.  Pinch hitting for Willoughby?  Ed Armbrister.  The Leephus Pitch.  El Tiante.  The Brawl.  Carbo to Cleveland.  Taco.  Bobby Sprowl.  Who the hell is Stan Papi.  The Spaceman.  The Loyal Order of the Buffalo Heads.  John McNamera.  Dave Stapleton should have been in the game?  "Steamer."  Grady Little.
     Do any of the above mentioned ring a bell?  No?  Then YOU ARE NOT A RED SOX FAN!  YOU HAVEN'T SUFFERED, AND YOU ARE A BANDWAGON JUMPING MORON WHO IS IN THE PROCESS OF RUINING THE ONE THING THAT TRULY DEFINED ME:  A lifetime Boston Red fan.  Complete with the emotional scars that go along with it. 
     Now, I am not going to go over, one by one, all of the things listed two paragraphs ago.  Why?  Because if you were a TRUE Red Sox fan, I wouldn't have to.  GOD, you people really piss me off.
     You know, there was a time when I use to get laid out of sympathy because I was a Sox fan.  Now?  Now, I have women getting restraining orders against me.  You have ruined it for all of us.
     I lived in Boston for years.  Right up the street from Fenway Park, as a matter of fact.  Oh, yeah.  Speaking of Fenway Park; can you non-suffering, Johnny Damon loving, no f*&King clue what "T" stop to get off at to get to Fenway tell me where the name "Fenway Park" comes from?  NO, YOU CAN'T!  And you know why?  Because you are NOT A BOSTON RED SOX FAN.  (By the way, it's the Kenmore Square stop on the Green Line, and the name "Fenway Park" comes from the neighborhood it was built in, called "The Fens.")
     Hell, sex with a true Red Sox fan is better.  Why?  Because there is always something they are pissed off about from back in 1975 that lends to a certain aggression. I dated a couple of Yankee fans, and they just sort of lie there, like it's there birthright, and expect that they'll gloriously end up on top at the end.  Padres fans, as a rule are the worse.  I shant elaborate.
     My point is this: If you haven't suffered...and I mean to the point where you can honestly say, as I can, that you childhood ended the day Bucky (Bleepin') Dent hit that home run off of Mike Torrez, then you truly are not a Red Sox fan.  Seriously.  You're ruining it for the rest of us.  
     Now, if you need me, I'll be having a beer with The Spaceman.

     

    

 

I can't stand the bandwagon jumpers either. I'm so tired of going out to watch them play in Oakland and seeing the new generation of Sox fans. They've got no idea the pain we've been through!

Why do you spell your name like that? Is it because your parents knew you were going to act like a girl. Nice dig at my Padres you loser.

I am SICK and TIRED of so called "Real Red Sox Fans" looking down on us who, as it seems from Gerrie's blog, got in to the game a little too late. I'm sorry we haven't "suffered," as you put it, but that's not our fault. Oh, and forgive me for not knowing all those tidbits of sox history. I would like to know one thing: Did Gerrie really have a beer with The Spaceman? THAT one I know. Bill Lee. Pitcher. Right?